l 18 l SoFlo l SoCal at heart l Boho Skater beach bum l Good vibes l Video Game Design Major I
Aw thank you so much! This just made my day! :)
I think I’m in love. Not just little butterflies and occasional blushes, but love. I mean the kind of love where everything in me aches because I don’t know how he feels. I met him when I was taking classes this summer so I could get some extra credits done for college. He was the RA for the guys hall and occasionally I would run into him and we would talk or hang out with a group of people. Already then I knew I wanted him. So fall semester started and it wasn’t until 3 weeks in that I ran into him at a party and me being drunk and more bold than I am sober I went up and gave him a hug. Suddenly we were walking and his arm was around me. I was in a bliss. He said he was really fucked up and needed to head back to his room because he didn’t feel well. Me being genuine and cared about him I told my friend that I was going to take him back to his room because I wanted to make sure he got back safely. Seriously that was what was on my mind. He needed to get back safely. We started walking up the stairs to the fourth floor where he lives by himself in his room. We got to the second flight of stairs and suddenly his hands were holding my face softly and he was kissing my lips. Was I dreaming? Possibly, it most certainly felt like it. My heart was racing and I swear my stoned mind thought it was going to jump right out and cry. We got to his door and again his lips were kissing mine, continuously. Next thing I knew he lifted me up on his kitchen counter and was pulling me close to him. Joy. So much joy racing through me. Fast forward to the next weekend. Again we walked back to his room from a party. It was so good to see him. It had been an entire week without seeing him or texting at all. Me being a dumb ass I miss typed his number. When we were together on his couch he told me if we ever went public that I would get to meet so many of his friends and see all the groups he was involved with. Wtf does this mean for me? Honestly if anyone knows let me know because I’m completely lost. Anyway fast forward a couple hours and now we’re in the shower. Why my heart aches for him so much is because I have never had anyone, and I mean anyone, treat me the way he does. I am so used to hit a quit it, because I know what guys want. So I’ve made myself bottle up any emotions so I don’t have to deal with the recoil. But him… wow… his love. It’s something that you don’t find anymore. He takes his time, he waits, he listens, he watches. When we look at each other we don’t just see with our eyes but we look into each others soul. I don’t mean to sound pathetic and say I’m just a helpless girl in love, because that’s not what I think this is. God, the way he looks at me it makes me want to melt in his hands and love him until the end of time. Even as I write this I want to cry, because of how helplessly I am in love with him. He hurt is back one day and I asked him the next morning how it was. He said that he was in a lot of pain and not doing well at all, he even may have to have surgery. My heart broke, and he could tell. Because something triggered behind his eyes that he saw in mine. He got up and gently pushed me back down on the bed and he was above me kissing me passionately. When I looked up into his eyes there was so much emotion there, emotion for me. So much feeling and passion in one person it makes me want to cry. Why this strangles my heart so much is because I have never had anyone treat me like that before, no one showed me so much love in that way. So why am I distraught now? Because of something petty, how sad I know. But he is really terrible at texting and whenever I send him anything he never responds, to anything. Of course my mind automatically thinks that I did something wrong and that he doesn’t like me anymore. What’s even worse is that my mind asks itself what if he doesn’t like you, not how you like him. I know and realize that I am overthinking and over stressing but there is still that part of me that aches, and I mean deeply aches for him and just wanting to be with him. I’ve never been so exposed like this before, never had my heart so vulnerable. I am so petrified of my heart being broken, but at the same time I am so willing to give it to him.
Doesn’t this make u wanna go to Sweden and scope hot guys?